Starting something new when you have ADHD.
People with ADHD are charming.
You can choose to look at our inconsistencies and divergent thoughts as being confusing, frustrating, or irritating, but I choose to look at them as charming and somewhat comical (in a charming way, of course).
Even shiny things can be a challenge
But new things are tough for us. Even the shiny things – the things we want to do – can throw a wrench into the works because it means rethinking and rearranging ideas or behaviors that have become habitual. For instance, last week I got 3 new clients. It’s super exciting for me. I’ve never gotten 3 in one week. Because I check in on clients daily, it means adding 3 people into my schedule while still completing the other things on my daily schedule, the stuff I’m used to doing.
It’s not a matter of do I want this or not, or am I committed or not? It’s just that I have new info to fit into my brain. I have to find a place for these new clients to LIVE IN MY BRAIN. These aren’t fleeting distractions; these are people that I care about and want to help.
One of these new clients took a huge test today, one had trouble going to school, one is battling a different kind of challenge altogether. And for me to do my job the way I want to do it, I need to remember to check in and ask about how these things are going, all the while establishing a rapport that will help my client do the hard work of changing THEIR habits.
It’s tricky to remember it all, and I’m not perfect at it. In a matter of days my brain will fully adjust and it won’t be new anymore. It will be a habit. But that’s because I want it to become a habit. I REALLY want it.
What happens when I DON’T want the new thing?
What happens when the new thing is something I’m nervous about starting? Or what if I’ve convinced myself that I don’t want it at all? Parents, I’m sure you’ve had to face this with your ADHD kids. Sometimes it’s easier just to not want something than to want it and have to go through all the work of adapting to it.
This can be particularly true with before and after school activities. School is not always the happy place we wish it could be. Some ADHD kids feel picked on by other students and even by the teachers. Really, it’s the only group at school that it’s apparently okay to make fun of. (Comments like “Did you take your pill?” or “You’re really hyper today,” or “Wake up, lazy,” are uttered by both students and teachers). Plus you never really know what the day will bring. What if class is too hard today? What if there’s a pop quiz? What if I forgot something? What if the teacher yells at me? School can be scary.
And then after you’ve made it through the whole day at school and you just want to hide in your room or play a computer game or sleep, your child may be scheduled for some music lesson or team sport or Hebrew school that just seems too much to bear.
When your children seems stressed, they are. When they say they’re overwhelmed, listen to them. If you start to see a pattern, if it’s happening on a regular basis, it’s time to get some help from a Naturopath or an M.D. They can give your child a check up to see if anything needs tweaking.
In the meantime, it’s okay to give your child some extra attention and support. They clearly need it at this time. Letting them know that you and your home are safe refuges for them is helpful when they’re battling with what seems like a new thing every day.
Copyright 2017 Yafa Luria/Margit Crane All Rights Reserved
What troubles you about parenting an ADHD child or teen?
Let’s talk! No cost, no judgment, no salesy come-on. However you WILL receive a good deal of TLC and expertise. You can say anything. You can cry. You can swear. Your confidentiality is guaranteed, and I promise to listen and give you hope and relief.
Thank you for ‘being there’ to share your wealth of knowledge and personal experience with us who are ‘floundering’ and ‘lost in the forest’ when it comes to ‘dealing with special and difficult circumstances’. Gratefully yours, Rochelle H, Alberta, Canada xox ((((BIG HUGS)))
Just confirm your time zone and then follow the directions: