A look back at growing up with ADHD
I was diagnosed with ADHD in 1980, at age 23. Actually, it wasn’t called ADHD; it was called “Minimal Brain Dysfunction.” I was one of the first adults to be diagnosed, at a time when experts believed that ADHD stops after adolescence. And some of you have heard my stories about traveling around Los Angeles with another 3 or 4 young adults, helping doctors and therapists understand as much as possible about growing up with ADHD.
What I remember from my childhood is a huge disconnect between me and my parents. My mother even told me she was afraid of me and my father told me I made him sad. Believe me, I was being as good as I possibly could. I wasn’t trying to be bad. I wanted to please my parents more than anything. If I could have changed myself to become a “good girl,” I would have.
Back then, no one had any information that would help us, and we all lived with this horrible disappointment.
My #1 wish:
I wish my parents had been more secure in their parenting, more confident and less confused.
Parents are the leaders of the family and when they’re lost, the kids are lost. And that’s what I remember. But it doesn’t have to be that way!
I believe that having ADHD or raising a child with ADHD isn’t a trial at all. I believe it’s our opportunity to see just how strong and awesome we are. I remember, one day, just blurting out to a therapist: “I’m not here to challenge you; I’m here to show you what you can do.” Honestly, I think I was possessed by an angel at that moment!
“I’m not here to challenge you; I’m here to show you what you can do.”
But what a person CAN do is not the same as what a person actually does. We talk a lot about our children’s untapped potential but what about our own?
I wish my parents had had the opportunity to reach their potential as parents. I’m not blaming them. What I’m saying is that because of missed opportunities and lack of opportunities, I still remember, at age 59, some of the hurtful things they said out of frustration.
For example, I remember being called:
- “Incapable of real affection”
- “Not reaching my potential”
The truth is, I’m not any of those things today. But I remember them being said over and over again.
My heart wants more for you and your family
Even though those memories don’t hurt nowadays, I hurt for your kids. And I hurt for the pain you’re going through as a family.
I don’t want your family to have to suffer at all. I don’t want you to wonder whether you’re a good parent or not. I don’t want you to worry about your kids’ future. I don’t want your kids to have negative comments running through their brains.
The legacy my parents left was not the legacy they wanted to leave. They wanted to raise a confident go-getter. Instead they raised an insecure, lonely, over-educated, emotionally immature adult. I needed years of therapy and coaching to become who I am today – a confident, joyful go-getter, a person my parents would be proud of had they lived long enough.
There is help, right here
Let me be blunt: some people think I’m in coaching for money. Those people don’t know me at all.
I’ve had a calling to help kids my whole life, and a calling to help families since 1994, after I realized that my then-painful memories could help others.
The ADHD Video Club is my way of helping as many families as possible:
- The cost to have access to the 100s of videos any time you want, anywhere you want, on any device is a low monthly fee.
- You also get to participate in group coaching!
- And you can unsubscribe any time you want.
A revolution in coaching!
But you also get access to me included in your membership, and that’s where my heart shines brightest: as a member of the ADHD Video Club, you can ask me questions about specific situations going on in your family and I’ll answer them via video (without using your name. Anonymity is key).
Also, we have monthly group coaching sessions for 90 minutes/session. Attendance will be limited to 6 people so that anyone with a question will have time to ask and have it answered.
It’s a revolutionary way to participate in the coaching experience without having to lose your shirt, as they say.
Try it out. You’ve got nothing to lose except confusion, frustration, misery, sadness, anger…
Copyright 2017 Yafa Luria/Margit Crane All Rights Reserved
What troubles you about parenting an ADHD child or teen?
Let’s talk! No cost, no judgment, no salesy come-on. However you WILL receive a good deal of TLC and expertise. You can say anything. You can cry. You can swear. Your confidentiality is guaranteed, and I promise to listen and give you hope and relief.
Thank you for ‘being there’ to share your wealth of knowledge and personal experience with us who are ‘floundering’ and ‘lost in the forest’ when it comes to ‘dealing with special and difficult circumstances’. Gratefully yours, Rochelle H, Alberta, Canada xox ((((BIG HUGS)))
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