Gifted With A.D.D.

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This past Monday, on The Good-Enough Parenting Show, we talked about our own personal joys and regrets in parenting and in life decisions. I mentioned that my biggest regret has been the amount of time I’ve spent trying to be a round peg when everybody who meets me can figure out that I’m a square peg and, thus, I don’t vibe with conventional thinking, institutions, or life events for that matter.

It can be confusing being a Square Peg. The world isn’t inviting or accepting of Square Pegs. In fact, we can be ridiculed, criticized, and shunned. This has happened to me several times in my life.

But, as adults, how much of this is our doing? We’ve heard the quote, attributed to Albert Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results,” yet our need to fit in can dull our common sense and trick us into being the sheep and not the shepherd. (Followers instead of Leaders)

There is nothing inherently wrong with being a follower but if you are meant to be a leader, following just crushes your spirit. We take on other people’s expectations and end up tacitly agreeing to be less than we are.

I’ve been involved with a program for 20 years. The last 10 years have been very stressful and crazy-making. Why didn’t I leave? Because I thought there was something wrong with ME, not them. I thought that I was being contrary or rigid. I never let it occur to me that the program was changing and adopting practices that I disagree with. It never occurred to me that my discomfort was legitimate.

And then, someone else in the group saw me at a work function and she commented, “Wow! You’re a completely different person when you’re working! You’re confident and radiant. Why are you still hanging around that program, feeling like a bump on a log? That’s not how life’s supposed to be!”

EUREKA!

I’m allowed to be myself! I’m allowed to have fun! I’m allowed to think differently! I’m allowed to live life differently! And more than that, if I don’t allow (or insist), I will wither and so will my world.

I am a trailblazer and an innovator. If you can’t see that, it’s not my task, not my burden, to prove it to you. I just get to live my life my way. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve allowed myself to be sucked into the status quo, but I’ll attempt to give you some examples:

1. I tried to be the goody-goody child.
2. My first diet was at age 10. I was desperate to fit in and be like everyone else.
3. I stayed friends with someone who actually bullied me quite a bit. (I think I thought there was some advantage to it).
4. I took a job I didn’t want because I had just graduated in that field and it made sense to take a job in that field.
5. I participated in programs, groups, institutions long after they had lost their significance.
6. I stayed with a partner even after he told lie after lie.
7. I didn’t believe that I could make my own decisions in some areas of my life, because I was told that I wasn’t capable of it.

That’s more my style!

Copyright 2013 Margit Crane

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