I Rebooted My ADHD Hard Drive. Should You?

by Margit Crane on October 20, 2014

 

Kind of looks like a brain...

A week ago, my hard drive crashed. I’m speaking of the hard drive on my computer. But I’m also speaking of my body and my brain. When a hard drive crashes and everything about your business is stored there (as with my hard drive), it can be devastating. Fortunately, I have assistance – Carbonite – that backs up my data and stores it in the Cloud (basically, cyberspace). I also needed to download the applications that help my machine function – one to check how my battery life is (Coconut Battery), one to check for unwanted stuff in the system (Mackeeper), one to connect to others online (Skype), and one that makes it easy to surf the web (Firefox. I’m not a fan of Safari).

Could this apply to people too?

This past week, while I was rebooting and rebuilding my folders, I thought about how people have hard drives also – our brain and our body come to mind first. There are all kinds of things I can do to protect my personal machine and to make sure that it makes the kind of connections I want it to make. For example, I like to feel very focused and energized. I can’t do that without iTunes -  which I find very stimulating – and I can’t do it on a diet of candy and diet soda. I also like to feel happy and calm. There is no cake or sandwich that can do that for me either, but having some protection against stress helps immensely, much like virus protection guards against bugs and other “diseases.”

The way my body works (and it’s your job to figure out how your body works with whatever professional can help) I need lots of protein and veggies and some lovely frankincense oil and my meds and epsom salt baths and the gym. These are the “programs” and “apps” that I download into my system so that I can function optimally.

It’s a sure bet that if I don’t have them right or I ignore them, my body and brain will fail me – I’ll be exhausted, moody, feel defeated and sore.

What about with families?

Your family has a hard drive of its own. It stores important data and memories about how you do things and what you share together and what expectations you have for everyone’s well being. You like to laugh together, have dinner together, travel together. All of these activities and all of these plans and goals need to be protected and strengthened also, because your family can crash too.

When a family’s hard drive crashes, stress sets in, exhaustion becomes the norm, and hope is all but lost. There isn’t room for fun because your stamina has been diminished. You can only handle a couple of things and no more. “Just let me get through the day without yelling.” “Please let my daughter just have one day without a meltdown.” “I hope my husband remembered to pick up his meds.” You really can only focus on the bare minimum because along with your hard drive, your operating system is gone too.

Pretending that ignoring the rest will make life easier is just not the truth. I can’t pretend I don’t need iTunes when music is what helps me focus. I can’t pretend I don’t need protein when it’s absolutely the best thing for my health. I can’t pretend I don’t need medicine when I’m sick without it. I can’t pretend I don’t need a coach for my business when I’m not reaching my dreams on my own. I’m not a business expert, after all, even though I speak to fellow business people almost every day.

I need what I need. You need what you need.

When your hard drive crashes, you don’t need to learn to make do with less – you really CAN’T make do with less for very long -  you need a new hard drive. Don’t settle for less and don’t assume that that’s all you’re allowed to have. I’m not saying your life isn’t challenging; I’m saying, I believe your life is challenging and there are “programs” and “apps” to help you and support you.

I’m also saying: You’re not an ADHD expert just because you’re raising an ADHD child. Even if you’re raising 3 or 6 or 10. Even if you have ADHD yourself. That doesn’t make you an expert. And talking to other parents with ADHD kids or other adults with ADHD will get you about as far as me talking to another business owner. Even a wise business owner won’t get me to the life I dream of. They’ll get me through a day or two but I want more …

And I want more for YOU and YOUR FAMILY!

That’s where professional help comes in. Don’t think I didn’t speak to several people about what to do. Don’t think I’m not talking to them anymore either. I immediately went for help because my hard drive is my business. I consulted and am consulting experts because my hard drive is precious and delicate and I don’t want to settle for Googling “How to reboot your hard drive.”

The same goes for your family and personal life. Don’t settle for Googling your solutions. Don’t settle for “band-aid solutions,” temporary answers to deep, long-term issues. No one puts a band-aid on an amputation. Those aren’t really solutions. Sure they’ll last a day or two but don’t you want solutions that will last a lifetime? I mean, come on. This is your family! Of course you want lifetime solutions. Of course you want to see your children blossom. Of course you want to do better in the areas that are important to you. Of course!

I happen to be very good at finding people to help me and, even when I was depressed and on food stamps, there were lovely people who came to support me and help me heal. You would never know that I was once evicted from an apartment, because I seek help daily. The best thing I ever learned was to ask for help. And you can learn too. I was raised in a family where no one asked for help. We all just tried to fix it ourselves, whether it was a psychological problem, a parenting problem, a social problem, or an academic or work problem. I was taught that if you ask for help, you will repel people. They will think you’re worthless.

It turns out that there are people in the world who are waiting for you to ask for help. In fact, they’re handing it out for free!

I am one of those people

I offer a free, 45-minute phone consultation. Have you called? Why not? Do you really think you know all the answers? Do you have no issue that could use some TLC? I have a business coach. I’ve had a business coach since 2002 (different ones). When she offers free stuff (in addition to her coaching program) I am there. Last Wednesday she told us (all her clients) that she was doing a free call on a particular topic. I literally sat in my car in a parking lot listening to the call on my phone. The call wasn’t convenient at all. First of all, it was on my day off. Also, I needed to attend to my computer. AND, it was my day with my grandkids and I really didn’t want to come later than usual. But I have big dreams and big dreams can be inconvenient if all you’re thinking of is getting through that one day. Big dreams nag you and want to push you off a cliff to fly to your better life. Big dreams are bossy! They want what they want. I have to have the courage to be uncomfortable and BOY OH BOY do I hate discomfort. But I love my dreams more.

ADHD families are inconvenient, messy, rollicking, spirited, drama-filled gifts!

When will you allow yourself the inconvenience of talking to an expert for free. Someone who will address your concerns, not just general ADHD concerns. Someone who has worked with ADHD kids for 30+ years. Step outside your comfort zone and make an appointment!

Just go HERE to schedule yourself in.

xoxoxo,

Margit

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Copyright 2014 Margit Crane All Rights Reserved

 

 

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Are You a Troublemaker?

by Margit Crane on October 14, 2014

 

 

The other day I was talking to a friend about the concept of Troublemakers. Someone had posted online that entrepreneurs are square pegs & troublemakers. All I could say was, “Please. They don’t even know the meaning of ‘troublemaker,’ the meaning of ‘square peg.’” I was pretty ticked off.

Undoubtedly, some entrepreneurs, perhaps many, actually have ADHD but people who think they’re troublemakers because they’re innovative don’t understand the pain of being called a “Troublemaker” when you never intended to cause trouble in the first place. We who have ADHD know that pain. We who parent those kids know that pain too.

I’m a Do-Gooder!

I’m trying to right wrongs and empower people who have been shunned and neglected. That’s not a troublemaker in my book. That’s a Do-Gooder. Shaking up the status quo doesn’t always mean one is a troublemaker. Yes, I’m an activist for ADHD, but I’m a Do-Gooder. I’m only a troublemaker to people who don’t understand ADHD or who think ADHD is kind of funny. Sure I like to laugh at situations and I do laugh quite a lot, but I refer to myself as “impish” not a troublemaker. Troublemakers like trouble. They feel good watching people or institutions squirm. That’s not me. I like cooperation. I like understanding. I like people to learn; I don’t want to shame or embarrass anyone. I want to empower people, whether you’re a parent, a person with ADHD, a doctor or a teacher.

When I was young I was called a troublemaker because I was distracting, interrupting my teachers or my parents. But that wasn’t my intention. My intention was to understand what was going on around me and to learn where I fit in to the particular scenario. Where we fit in is actually not always clear to people with ADHD. Sometimes we explore our environments in disruptive ways. That’s something we need you to teach us.

Here’s an example that happens more often than you would think:

Once, in class, I was showing a film that kept stopping and going all the way back to the beginning. It was frustrating for everyone, but for one ADHD student, it amounted to a bit of a crisis. He knew what he was supposed to do: take notes while watching a movie. But what happens when that scenario is interrupted and he has to stop taking notes and then start again? His solution was to talk and laugh and rock his chair back and forth, making noise. Why? Because no one gave him another option. I didn’t tell him what to do when the film repeatedly stopped. He was winging it – not well, not as well as the others, but he was trying. Many would say he was being disruptive but it wasn’t HE that was disruptive, looking at the big picture. Looking at the big picture, it was the film that was being disruptive, and he was just reacting to it.

This is not to say that this behavior should be excused or ignored. That won’t help him at all. But it is our job to first correct the behavior by giving him an alternative way to behave and then by helping him remember this alternative, gently, without frustration or condemnation for being forgetful.

Too often ADHD kids and adults are labeled without getting the opportunity to learn a new skill or a new behavior. We owe it to our kids, to ourselves, and really to anyone out there to teach, reinforce, and reward good choices.

Have you ever been labeled a Troublemaker? Has your child? How did you feel? How did your child feel? Scroll down to the comments section to share your thoughts with other readers.

 

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Like this post and want more interaction? Check these out:

1. I’m on TwitterFacebook and Pinterest. I’m @GiftedWithADD

2. 45-minute free phone consultation. Schedule here.

3. If you haven’t gotten your copy of “Revolutionize Your ADHD Parenting in One Week,” grab a copy at this link.

xoxoxo, Margit

Copyright 2014 Margit Crane All Rights Reserved

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Teaching ADHD Kids & Teens to Self-Monitor Feelings

October 13, 2014

We know that ADHD kids have trouble monitoring their own feelings (you’ve seen it at home) so let me offer some tips for teaching kids about feelings. It’s hard to for kids to understand how someone else feels if they don’t know how they themselves feel!

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ADHD Awareness Month: Are You Resisting Reality?

October 12, 2014

Are you making decisions based on fear? You can always come up with reasons NOT TO ACT. We can always come up with a reason to not get the help we so desperately need.

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Parenting Excuses from Dr. Phil and Margit Crane and also some from Wayne Dyer

October 11, 2014

Tweet Pin It Most common excuses for not making family changes even though you are frustrated and confused:   I can’t do it alone and my spouse either won’t help or will undercut me. There is no point, my child doesn’t respond to parenting like other kids. It’s just a phase; kids will be kids [...]

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ADHD Awareness Month: Resistance is Natural and Good

October 10, 2014

We think of resistance as defiance – as someone trying to thwart the efforts of another person, but that’s only part of the story. Resistance can also mean that we’re growing.

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“My ADHD Son Has to Comment on Everything”

October 9, 2014

“My ADHD son has to comment on everything!” Seattle’s ADHD Coach, Margit Crane of Gifted With ADD & ADHD, answers a mom’s question about her very dramatic son!

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ADHD Awareness Month: A Mistake I Made with a Tween ADHD Client

October 8, 2014

We all felt that Peter was spending too much time on the computer; we just needed to figure out what was behind it all. Turns out he was being bullied at school and nobody believed him.

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ADHD Awareness Month: My Best ADHD Advice

October 7, 2014

Living outside our comfort zones is the key to ADHD success, but it is a painful exercise when we’ve been ridiculed before for trying and failing.

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What If the Opposite Were True and ADHD is a Gift?

October 6, 2014

What if ADHD isn’t a disorder? What if when your child interrupts you it’s because he or she has an important idea? What if when your teen challenges you, they’re right? What if raising an ADHD child is an award God gave you? What if, while raising that child, something in you was raised up as well? What if ADHD is a gift?

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