Finding Your Voice as a Person With ADHD

by Margit Crane on July 23, 2014

 

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A while back I wrote a popular little post called “The Eff You, Eff Me Theory of ADHD”. I explained that the Eff You ADHDers tended to be entrepreneurial types, full of ideas and impatient with people getting in their way. The Eff Me ADHDers beat themselves up a lot and take the blame for everything (which is gladly handed to them by the way).

While the Eff You’s say “Outta my way!” the Eff Me’s say “You’re right. It’s my fault. I’m a loser.”

But both of these are not the true voice of ADHD, or the potential voice of ADHD. These are child-like versions of how ADHD manifests. As we grow up and become adults, we don’t want to have the same child-like voice. it won’t fly in the adult world. We need a strong (whether loud or soft), confident, compassionate voice to inspire others to follow our lead or to transform ourselves into the people we were meant to be.

Yes some of us, as adults, are still saying, “Eff you!” or “Eff Me!”

As I’ve said many times, the brain doesn’t want to change but it CAN change. And change can rile people up so we don’t take to it lightly. We resist. But what if, on the other side of that resistance, what if by accepting change we could actually feel stronger and more confident and more ourselves?

This is precisely what I’ve found to be true for myself and for my clients. Once we find our voice, we can’t be turned around.

As people with ADHD we are accustomed to being shushed, being sent to our rooms, being told to change, being called inappropriate, having our motives or M.O.s challenged (“You’re just lazy), or being misunderstood. So how do we fit into a world that doesn’t think we fit in the first place?

That’s where finding your voice comes in, and learning how to back it up with good works that reflect our genius. Because the real problem isn’t what we say but what we do. So our voice becomes a “one-two punch.” We must always be ready to respond to our nay-sayers with corresponding action.

This is what coaching does for a person with ADHD that no other modality can do.

We can read books, learn theories, get poked and prodded, swallow medication, or sniff essential oils (all of which work to even out ADHD) but to LIVE our lives OUT LOUD, triumphantly, and with purpose, this requires a change is our ingrained behaviors. And only coaching can do that.

As a child and as a young adult, I was always being told either literally or figuratively that I didn’t fit in. I was left out of group activities, I was told to shush, I was told I can’t use a creative approach, I was actually told 3 times in my life NOT TO ATTEND CLASS because I was too far ahead of the other students and I was ruining the teachers lessons! It feels like a door has been shut in your face, like you’re in a closet and no one is interested in hearing what you have to say or helping you become a better person. It is a lonely and confusing existence.

(Those are the books I've written in the bottom center)

Do you want to be an ADHD activist? Do you want to be a better mom? Do you want to get a salary boost? Do you want to be an A/B student. Or do you just want to stay out of trouble?

If you wanted to be an acrobat, you would probably do more than go to the gym and watch videos of other acrobats. You would need training. Going to the gym and watching videos would be helpful for sure, but they wouldn’t make you an acrobat. You need to learn to walk your talk; not just to talk about being an acrobat but actually practicing and making mistakes and getting bruised and getting back up until you’re the star you’re aching to be.

This is exactly what ADHD coaching can do for you as it did for me. I’m considered a high-functioning person with ADHD but I didn’t get here just by trying this and that and the other thing. Meds can work, as can alternative modalities, but none of these teach the skills I needed to enter in mainstream life and kick some serious booty! I want to be a revolutionary. If all I do is talk loud and swing a big stick around, no one will listen or, worse, I could be regarded as dangerous.

So the questions are:

  1. Who do you want to show up as in the world?
  2. How bad do you want it?
  3. If not now, then when?

If your heart breaks struggling with ADHD, or your heart breaks watching your child struggle, it’s time to get some coaching. ADHD is a condition, much like many others, that gets worse as time goes by.

Or it can get better with a coaching intervention. Come. Find your voice. You’ll never have to tolerate being “shushed” again.

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Like this post and want more interaction? Check these out:

1. I’m on TwitterFacebook and Pinterest. I’m @GiftedWithADD

2. 30-minute free phone consultation. Schedule here.

3. If you haven’t gotten your copy of “Revolutionize Your ADHD Parenting in One Week,” grab a copy at this link.

xoxoxo, Margit

Copyright 2014 Margit Crane All Rights Reserved

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Nourish Your ADHD Soul with Interior Design

by Margit Crane on July 22, 2014

 

Today I thought I’d share a piece that I wrote in 2008.

I believe that, especially for highly sensitive people and people with ADHD and other similar conditions, our surroundings can very much influence not only our moods but also our souls. I know that certain colors make me cringe. I feel nauseated and a bit bewildered. The popular orange, mustard and brown of the 70s was just hideous and being in a room with those colors just baffled me: “Why? Why are you subjecting yourself to those colors?” Other color combinations – often odd ones – make me feel energized or calm me down.

My aunt decided to knit me a blanket and had me pick out the colors. No lie, I picked out: forest green, maroon, bright orange, turquoise, gold, and purple. I loved that blanket so much. She thought the colors were so strange but I thought they were so me!

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Nourish Your ADHD Soul with Interior Design

“The things that one most wants to do 
are the things that are probably 
most worth doing.” ~ Winifred Holtby

I love the shows that make over rooms or houses.  I especially love Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. It’s so grand and so heart-tugging, both of which appeal to the part of me that likes to see dreams come true in a big way.

The thing that always gets to me is how Ty Pennington (the Host) interviews the kids in each family to see where their passions lie.  And then, he and his designers put together rooms that surround the kids with their dreams, as if they were absolutely possible and as if those dreams were already real and present.

My own childhood bedroom was huge and filled with books. I had 3 large bookcases made of cherry wood with beautiful glass doors so I could stare at my books and the few dolls and stuffed animals that lived inside. My parents also bought me puppets and a cardboard puppet theater. Perhaps it was because I was an only child and they thought it would be nice for me to have “friends” to talk to! Truth be told, my room was decorated for one of my passions—reading. I think reading kept me sane through a lot of lonely times. And I did become an English teacher and worked in several bookstores during my 20’s and 30’s. So I think this theory must work—you become what surrounds you (which has wonderful and dark implications, but that’s another article!)

But I had a secret dream that even I had forgotten!

One evening a few months ago, while watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, I asked myself: What would I be doing now if my childhood bedroom had reflected my deepest interests?  The answer immediately popped up and I felt a yearning that I hadn’t felt in decades: When I asked myself The Question I remembered that as a child I loved to write. When I was young, I wrote all the time. In fact, I still have the first story I ever wrote. It is called “The Puppy.” I was 4 years old. I started to try to write the words myself but had trouble so my mother wrote it down while I dictated it to her. It now lives in an acid-free envelope and is pinned to the bulletin board just to the left of the desk where I am writing this article! After that, I wrote a lot, but I never finished anything (ADHD anyone?) I was a perfectionist even then and, although I had lots of interesting book ideas, I felt defeated and hopeless after the first couple of chapters.

My Mother’s Nose 

One unfinished book stands out distinctly. It was entitled, “My Mother’s Nose” and it was about a girl who is (somehow) able to shrink down to the size of an atom (which we had studied in school) and could climb into her ill mother’s nose and (somehow) cure her of a mysterious disease. I know this sounds similar to the plot of “Fantastic Voyage” but I wrote this story before that book was published! The other thing I remember about the book is that after writing 2 complete chapters and 2 sentences of chapter 3 I scrawled across the title page, “I give up. I’m not good.” Sad, right? These are the messages I was giving myself at age 8. It’s no wonder that I never considered myself a writer, despite the fact that my writing skills were praised all through school, university, and beyond.

So that’s why I wonder if my life would have turned out differently if my childhood room had been decorated to accommodate a budding writer? I wonder if my self-doubt would have had the chance to grow as big and unwieldy as it did? Would I have gone to a different college? Would I have hung out in different places? Would I have had the courage to brave open mike nights at some café? And what would the room have looked like? A bigger desk with more surface area? A storage system for my “manuscripts,” instead of shoving them into drawers? Lots of legal pads, pens and pencils? A bulletin board to post my ideas? What else?

I am a writer!

And with all those possibilities, I have to say that it almost doesn’t matter anymore. All I had to do was ask myself, “How would I ask Ty to decorate my room?” and I knew that I am a writer! I didn’t even have to rearrange my office; I don’t even have to be in a special room. I can write almost anywhere. I write every day.  I have lots of ideas and I write them down.  Sometimes I write them in a journal, sometimes on the computer.  I know I’m a writer and I know that someday I’ll be a published writer. (Now, in 2014, I’ve written 5 non-fiction books and am working on my 6th)

 

Are you willing to ask yourself The Question? Will you ask your child?

What would you be doing differently if Ty Pennington had designed your childhood bedroom to reflect your soul’s passion?  The answer may have already come to you as you were reading this article. If not, think back to the activities that gave you pleasure as a child. Then imagine your bedroom, decorated to encourage your interests: What color is the paint? Is there carpet or are there hardwood floors with rugs? Is there furniture? What kind? What is the mood of the room—warm, practical, luxurious, whimsical? How about the lighting? Are there windows or is the room enclosed? And what shape is it? Are there unusual knick-knacks that reflect your passion? Play with this—you are re-creating your dream as you create the room in which that dream can unfold!

After you’ve played with your new room, I would invite you to take another step:  What one action could you take today to bring that passion to life in the present?

And, if you’re up for more…  How can you nurture your own children’s natural gifts today?  It could bring them that much closer to their life purpose.

Please scroll down and share your own dreams in the comments section.

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Like this post and want more interaction? Check these out:

1. I’m on TwitterFacebook and Pinterest. I’m @GiftedWithADD

2. 30-minute free phone consultation. Schedule here.

3. If you haven’t gotten your copy of “Revolutionize Your ADHD Parenting in One Week,” grab a copy at this link.

xoxoxo, Margit

Copyright 2014 Margit Crane All Rights Reserved

=======================

 

 

 

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Energize Your ADHD by Doing Only One New Thing

July 21, 2014

Consistency is great; predictability can shut down an ADHD brain. ADHD Strategist, Margit Crane, shares that when we’re feeling down or sluggish, all we need to do is just one new thing.

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Motivating Your ADHD Child or Teen, Shoreline Library, July 21

July 18, 2014

Tweet Pin It   I’ll be speaking on the topic of motivation this Monday at Shoreline Library from 6:30 pm – 8:45 pm. It’s free! The address and phone number are: 345 NE 175th St, Shoreline, WA 98155 (206) 362-7550 I hope to meet you there! ====================== Like this post and want more interaction? Check [...]

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Things I Want That Will Glam Up My ADHD.

July 17, 2014

Tweet Pin It   There is the coolest stuff available online. I’m taking a break from work and I start seeing all these shiny shiny things that I can buy! Which one do you just HAVE to have?? Which would your son or daughter just LOVE?? 1. A colorful LED light in your shower head. [...]

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Bucket-List for Adults with ADHD

July 16, 2014

Tweet Pin It   Yesterday I wrote a Bucket List for parents of ADHD kids. It was fun so today I’m doing it again, but this time I’m writing for adults with ADHD. ADHDers come in different shapes, sizes, strengths, degrees of excitability and degrees of intensity. Some are like the boisterous Tigger in Winnie [...]

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A Bucket-List for ADHD Parenting

July 15, 2014

Bucket Lists are all the rage. Join actress Jennifer Aniston as she assists ADHD Coach Margit Crane in creating the Ultimate ADHD Parenting Bucket List (there’s some sarcasm in that).

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When ADHD Comes Home From Vacation

July 14, 2014

Transitions can be hard for people with ADHD. There are emotions to process (particularly a mix of disappointment, confusion, and curiosity) and there’s that darn schedule to get used to again.

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ADHD: What the World Thinks I Am vs. Who I Really Am

July 13, 2014

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Prime Real Estate for ADHD Tattoo

July 12, 2014

Seattle & Kirkland ADHD family coach and activist wants her first tattoo. Will you help her choose a stylin’ ADHD-related one?

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